By Matt Ochs


Creationists shrivel in fear at answering questions. Where was an answer to why a commandment against slavery slipped God’s mind?

Why were there five massive extinction events? He kept changing his mind or got bored?

What happened to Jesus’s missing years? He jumped from birth to 30 years of age. Was there any biographer?

Maybe he spent some time in America? Perhaps in Missouri? Mormons believe the next Garden of Eden will be.

I hope it’s in Branson.

“Colorful birds, beautiful butterflies, scents of different flowers” – Kathleen Fye is at it again, rewriting the Babble, I mean the Bible, adding in her own words to make it the “New Kathleen Fye Edition.”

It’s an actually sickness to want to hear the sound of your own voice so much.

Make sure you have the record for the most letters in the Clarion News. Make the next one longer. I was disappointed. No one pays any attention to them anyway, except me, but just occasionally.

“Playfulness of all kinds of animals.” Such as a bear taking down a deer? They probably didn’t have any claws or teeth until Adam ate that apple. Then all Hell broke loose. It’s a jungle out there.

Were there dinosaurs (other than the feathered ones, birds) in the Garden of Eden?

What about mosquitoes? Vulcan mind-meld to God again. Since Kathleen pats herself on the back in making up descriptions and details, how about describing heaven?

In psychology, there is a term called the suspension of disbelief. The feeling of putting yourself in a novel or movie. You know, adds to the excitement. And boy, Creationists have a lot of suspension.

 In a thought experiment, children were instructed to throw a Velcro ball onto a dart board, but they had to turn around and throw it over their shoulders. One at a time, and left alone in the room, each of them cheated by walking up to the board and sticking the ball onto it.

When an adult placed a chair next to the board, the children were told there was a princess sitting on it.

The children were told they could not see the princess. She was invisible and her name was Ann. She would be watching.

Each child obeyed the rules.

Some people never reach the age of reason in adulthood.

Your god made Adam and Eve clothes. Wow. He didn’t give them brains enough to make their own or to grab a fig leaf. Darn. Humans and chimpanzees split from a common ancestor (since gone extinct) six million years ago.

From two million years ago to modern times, the human brain went from 650-cubic centimeters to 1,400 CCT because of an increase in protein in the diet as well as becoming more of a social species.

 Kathleen, you keep having a good time with your imaginary friend.n