An open letter to Sen. Josh Hawley
By Ray McGunigle
Dear Mr. Senator Hawley, I am writeing this here letter to say how much we folks in PA apreshiate your help in figurin' out our elecshun laws.
It is so nice to have such an educated fella all with your Stamford and Yail fancy diplomas and stuff to help us with this
I was talking to some librals who told me that the PA Constitushun alowed people to mail in votes for special reasons and that the COLONA virus is surely one.
But you teached us that this is wrong and them mail votes should be thrown away. Good. If us old timers with bad lungs are afraid to stand in voting lines in a pan-demic then we don't deserve to vote.
If God wanted us to vote by mail, he wouldn't have given us legs and wheel chairs and stuff.
I sure like the way you made all of them folks in congress stay up half the night to vote on this. I reckon that after goin' through a riot with all that shooting and the like them politicians were feelin all huggy and wantin to go home to hunker down with their kin.
You sure showed them. You kept em there for hours arguing about PA law and while I guess nothin' came of it -- even though you only was in the job a year I bet you made a impreshun on them that they will never ever forgit.
A lot of folks here say your fist salute and your objecting to the PA votes was jist to lick Trumps boots so you can make a name for yourself get money and run for president.
But I think you people in Missouri that's the one in the middle that looks like the baby shoe??? must be very smart and kind to help us in other states that is more ignorant.
So I jist wanna tell you that all us in PA is very grateful for your help tryin to throw out all our votes. You can be sure that even if you do run for the president, none of us in PA will ever forget you. Yessiree you can count on that.n
Editor's note: U.S. Sen. Josh Hawley represents Missouri. Mr. McGunigle's letter above is a work of satire aimed at the senator's actions the night of Jan. 6 and 7.